Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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