Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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