I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
