to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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