Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did you just see the Batmobile???
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
