I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
