We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
