i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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