he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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