My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize