During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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