Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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