I just pynch a tree in the face
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
