i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
