member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
