there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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