he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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