Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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