I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
