hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
