I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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