We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
