OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
