a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
