how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
