Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
