We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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