STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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