So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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