one word: firstdatebathroomanal
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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