This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
