You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
