I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
