The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
