i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
