She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
