i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so much tequila, so little girl.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
