It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
