dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
