Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
