Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
