Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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