a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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