Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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