Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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