I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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