OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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