you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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