i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
