just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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