TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
