i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
