Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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