Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
