Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
