Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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