The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
