i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just google imaged poop.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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