If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
