When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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